I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
