i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
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