Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
