I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
