It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
