And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Randomize
