i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
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