ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Randomize
