u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
