I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Randomize
