here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
