The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
