Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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