thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
