Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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