they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
