grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
