did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Who did Billy Mays play for?
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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