The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
