So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize