My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
