the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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