My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
