I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
