fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
