So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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