No period for spring break; use this wisely.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
