Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
