I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
