lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
