so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I wear drunk well.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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