what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
