question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
