nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
