yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
