I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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