Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Randomize
