Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
