Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
You are the jesus of drinking
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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