What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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