Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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