I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
