Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Randomize
