i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
