# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
