you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
You took a bar mat shot.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
