so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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