i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
