I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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