We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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