I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
