: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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