Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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