So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
