so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
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