hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
