i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
