You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
