sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize