Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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