she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
