yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
