I just cut my nipple shaving
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
