Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
