Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Boobs are out for the taking
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
