my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
