cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
