i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
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